Challenges

Ok… so I am in bed ready to go to sleep before 10:30pm. And I don’t think that Jet lag really has anything to do with it. Today was an absolutely exhausting day. Class this morning was good, and I am glad that I am interested in history and things like that because otherwise the 3.5 hour class in the morning could possibly be very painful… but I find what we are studying to be very interesting which is very helpful. Then this afternoon I had class again with journalist Thomas which was fine, but he does not seem to be very nice or friendly or really like to teach at all… which I find to be a bit strange, but whatever I suppose.
However the really interesting thing that happened this afternoon was that I went and met the woman who is going to be the supervisor for my internship at L’institute du Monde Arabe. For some reason I thought that this meeting between the two of us and Thomas from IFE (not my prof) was supposed to happen on the 20th of Feb… But rather it was January instead. So I was a little surprised when this was what I was doing this afternoon, but I had worn nice clothes so that was a good thing. I was a little nervous but that is to be expected I guess. Needless to say it was a very taxing hour. I spent the entire meeting working harder than I think I have ever worked before to try to understand every word she was saying and what it might mean for me in the next few months. She told me that there is lots of work to be done; I just have to be approved by the administration of the museum. Thomas does not seem to think that this is a problem and everything should come together in the next few weeks.
However, as I rode the bus back to IFE today, and I watched the city go by, I began to feel very nervous/scared about my internship. I know that I am a hard worker and that I can be a real asset to the museum and to anyone that I work for… but that one hour of time that I spent there today was absolutely exhausting. The past days have been good for my French but I feel like I have also spent a good amount of time being frustrated because there are so many times where I want to say something but it just can’t come out right… Or I am trying to get someone to understand me properly and my pronunciation fails me completely. It is very difficult. Even class that would normally not be that hard is made ten times harder because I have to focus on each word that is said to glean the meaning of the sentences. It is really hard work, and it is far more exhausting for my brain to try to do that than I think it is for me to do hours and hours of homework.
So today riding back to IFE on the bus I felt scared and tired of being in an environment that is constantly challenging me… and I thought about how much longer I am going to spend in this difficult and challenging environment… and I felt homesick for the first time. I didn’t feel miserable at all or anything… but when you are tired and things are hard/challenging, nothing sounds better than going home. I know that things will get easier as I find my routine better and adjust to the French language and things like that, but today was very hard. I came home and cooked some pasta which was cheap and good… but now, before 11:00 I am ready for bed, which is very much unlike me. But that is ok…each day presents new challenges and I just keep thinking that each day I get a little better at French. My listening comprehension has def improved already… and my speaking will get there too I just know it. But it takes more than 5 days, and since I still have 5 months here I have every faith that it will get easier. J’espere.
Bonne Nuit.